In the flesh?
In The Room is our exclusive behind-the-scenes albeit questionably-sourced comprehensive guide to the stories behind the stories of the stories with people so convincing you are sure that they know someone who knew someone who was actually there.
This week: Our sixth-hand account of the pivotal moment in Pink Floyd history when the band needed to decide the final chapter in their revered 1970s discography. Let’s eavesdrop.
Roger Waters: I’ve got these two really equally inspired ideas. It’s been impossible for me to choose between them, because I feel like I’ve birthed them from some undiscovered womb in my brain!
David Gilmour: Sounds promising! It will be so nice to move on from thinking about Syd Barrett for a while with something completely new.
Waters: The first idea involves a rock star who increasingly uses drugs as –
Gilmour: Aw, bloody ‘ell!
Waters: … he becomes alienated from everyone and everything around him.
Gilmour: Not at all autobiographical. What a refreshing change.
Waters: So he increasingly uses drugs and groupie sex as he builds some kind of emotional barrier between him and his fans.
Gilmour: You mean some kind of division like a fence?
Waters: Precisely. That’s why I’m calling this project either The Partition or the Palisade!
Gilmour: I don’t know about the names. Do Americans know what a palisade is?
Waters: They will when it’s on a million tour t-shirts!
Gilmour: You’re getting ahead of yourself there. You haven’t sold anyone in this room on the idea.
Nick Mason: These snack mixes are great snacks!
Waters: My original name was The Levee, but it’s hit a legal snag. Our lawyers nixed the touring stage show idea of building a levee throughout the performance that submerges the audience up to their necks in recycled water that we’ve used throughout the tour.
Gilmour: Why wouldn’t we just use local water sources?
Waters: You just can’t use local water and maintain quality control. That’s why I’m the brains behind this operation. The problem with recycled is that you have to filter out all the drug paraphernalia and condoms. That’s 3 union jobs right there.
Gilmour: How will any of those proposed titles look etched into desks at schools? Can it be something simpler, like The Bullwark?
Waters: Because kids will turn “wark” into “wank” and it will haunt us for years. The Partition is perfect. And it rhymes so nicely. “Hey everyone I’m just a musician/gonna start building a whole partition!” Kids will love screaming that at parties.
Richard Wright: I think that sounds great! Does it need keyboards? I play keyboards.
Gilmour: I’m skeptical. Can you give me some sample lyrics that discuss his descent into this alienation you mentioned?
Waters: Sure, so the singer is on stage and he’s completely lost it through a combination of hatred of his fans, a toxic drug cocktail, and just general alienation and loss, and he’s calling out to the audience, “Are there any queers in the theater tonight, get them up against the wall! And that one looks Jewish and that one’s a coon, who the hell let this riffraff into the room?”
Gilmour: Don’t you think maybe listeners will be confused and think that is pro-racist and pro-hate?
Waters: It will be obvious to even the least obsessive teenage listener and their eavesdropping parents. It’s chock full of nuance!
Wright: Sure, teenagers get nuance! Can I play on this song too? I can do kind of an amusement park effect everytime someone sings queer.
Gilmour: What are the big songs on the album? What are the hits?
Waters: So, the big song will be about teachers beating the shit out of kids.
Gilmour: That’s the lead single?
Wright: Guys, by the way my studio key wasn’t working this morn-
Waters: Either that or the song about fascists finding and killing teenagers fucking in the backseats of cars because they didn’t park discreetly enough.
Gilmour: Ok… Is there a third option?
Waters: I guess we can use the song about trying to revive the strung out musician so he can get through the concert he has to play for the fans he hates. I’m thinking of a freaked-out accordion solo for that one.
Wright: A keyboard is like an accordion on a stand!
Mason: Can I have some of your snack mix if you’re not eating it?
Gilmour: Ok, let’s pause on that one and talk your other idea. At least it’s gotta sound less vile and racist.
Waters: So there are these hitchhikers who get kidnapped by Arab terrorists…
Gilmour: Aw, bloody ‘ell! The Partition it is! Call the special effects people.
Wright: Very cosmopolitain! Would I get to play on that album?
Mason: Is that all the snack mix? Can we order more?
