Our COVID-19 Generosity Is Rated NCAA+ By Us!

In a magnanimous gesture that should be celebrated across the land, NCAA President Grubs Monklee announced that unpaid student athletes would receive a multiple for their unpaid labor.

“Three times anything is fucking generous as fuck!” said Monklee while using his ivory back scratcher. “You know what? Fuck triple. Let’s quadruple that shit! Bring it on!”

Monklee said that to allow for that generosity, athletes would have to play twice the games this year and also accommodate a rigorous public appearance schedule, sans masks with big smiles for photo shoots, swing dances, and MCing local church bingo games.

“In fact, we will cut the rate of increase of our corporate salaries to triple the rate of inflation and our bonuses to a maximum of 3x salary. Of course, we’ll have to offset that by increasing our discretionary stipends and union chargebacks for the athletes. But fair is fair.