Coon Rapids, MN name not originally racist, has only since become racist

Midwest tourist Chad Thompson cringed the first time he came across the name on the map, “I mean, I feel like I’ve been sheltered my whole life,” said Thompson, “every time I look something up these days – especially a lot of benign-sounding stuff, there’s always some horrifically racist origin story attached to it.”

So when he saw Coon Rapids on the map, that seemed like a gimme, “I mean, even I’m not that sheltered by my enormous privilege!” It turns out however, that’s it’s named after the raccoon population that once inhabited the area. “That’s almost quaint, that is!”

However, upon perusing urban dictionary and other places, he discovered that the citizens of the internet have managed to turn it into a very racist name. “I feel almost comforted by that, to be honest. It doesn’t go against my pessimistic view of the crumbling of society and our remote chances of survival without descending into a bloody civil war. What a relief!”