When this reporter arrived at Menards, a somehow-loved-by-Midwesterners chain of hardware store, something was clearly different.

As the wind blew just right through the landscaping section, you could clearly hear Beethoven’s Symphony No 10, famously unfinished. This didn’t emanate from the store’s speakers, but rather from a single mysterious figure hunched over a piano on the second floor.

The Phanton is free to play any music of his choosing. Does his choice of music betray a longing on the Phantom’s part? Did he long for a musical career outside of hardware stores? Were his dreams centered on playing in party stores or pet centers instead? Does he get the Menards generous employee discount or is he an individivual contractor for tax purposes?

Attempts to interview the Phantom to get answers to these and other pressing questions were blocked by a low-wage retail employee, who pointed out that the Phantom’s contract clearly involves continued playing for 4 straight hours before his break, and this reporter had to go get his laundry at the dry cleaner by 5pm.