“Ready-to-eat” soup option demands more than man has to offer.

Noted non-gourmand IT support analyst Spence Skipper thought he’d taken care of dinner with one quick purchase. “It’s soup, it’s pre-made, you nuke it and you’re done, right?” he reasoned. “Then the fucking box had a running list of ways to actually make it a meal.”

“I didn’t have a fucking lemon to squeeze. And nobody is squeezing my lemons for me these days. So that was out.”

Skipper ended up eating the soup by itself from the container and it was at best lukewarm. He then proceeded to masterbate and play 13 hours of video games until popping some uppers and returning to his job.

“If I was going to roast nuts or chop parsley, what was I doing in the pre-made soup section in the first place? Know your fucking audience!”