Feb 13th, 2026. Treasury Secretary “uniformed guy from well-known 70s pop band” announces that effective immediately, all money has been converted to crypto.

“It’s as easy to remember as YMCA,” he reasoned as he smiled knowingly. “Your Money’s Crypto, Asshole!”

When a reporter dared question using Asshole instead of something more G-rated like “American”, he was dragged away by unnamed suited bystanders.

“Any other dumb questions,” asked Uniformed Guy. “Great! I’ve got a dancefloor in Aryana to get pumping!”

“Can this crypto be exchanged for goods and services as easily as currency has been today?” another reported asked before being sent to the gulags.

“Of course it is! Every senior citizen will love choosing a cryptocurrency wallet because of their combined knowledge of computers and the lack of complexity with dealing with meme-based crypto coins. They’ll think it’s the shiznit!”