The latest installment in our series profiling the good people of the heartland. Think you’re one too? Contact us today!

Midwestern man Charles Durant believes that on the whole, he’s a net positive on everything around him. Below is a brief transcript of his conversation with this reporter.

So what would you say is one of the main reasons you’re a good person?

I’ve donated to charity.

Oh great. To whom?

I forget. But I gave it my 1989 Buick Lesabre. That thing could still bring the boys to the yard. Like, it had a backseat people could sit in when going places.

Ok, so you forget the name. What was the cause behind it?

I wanted a charitable tax break.

I mean what did the charity do?

It fed the homeless or housed the hungry or cured AIDS or SIDS or something. They do great work, those guys.

Ok, apart from charity, how else are you a helper?

Just yesterday, I let a car get in front of me in traffic at one of those highway merges. You know, instead of trying to ram them off the road.

Was that a likely scenario?

Some of the voices were telling me to do it, yeah.

Durant attributes lack of effort to improve world to “who has that kind of time?”

Ok, other examples?

You know how when it snows and the sidewalks aren’t big enough for people to pass each other?

Sure.

Man, I let someone pass first just the other day. Didn’t even accidentally push them into a snowbank, the ungrateful bastard. Or her toddler either.

“I’m Not the Problem”, Man Wrongly Concludes

We’re running out of time and out of patience. Anything else you want to add?

I had a dog once. Fed it most daily.