We put it to test, the old fashioned way.

Nothing beats a good cup of joe in the morning to wake you up in the morning. But how can we test that theory?

This morning we switched Chad Johnson’s normal coffee with the weight of 400 years of systemic oppression. Let’s see if he notices the difference.

While driving to work, he was “randomly” pulled over and given a full cavity search without explanation. “I was just dying for some coffee, I’d take Foldger’s Crystals for fuck’s sake,” pleaded Chad as he received a body cavity search for a ‘slightly dimmed brake light’. “I don’t know what you’re hoping to find in there, but I don’t think whatever it is is that high up my anus.”

When asked if he thought this of daily indignity and human rights violation worked as well as coffee to get him going for the day, he replied, “Well, my stool was definitely bloodier today.”