In The Room is our exclusive behind-the-scenes questionably-sourced comprehensive guide to the stories behind the stories of the stories with people so convincing you are sure that they know someone who knew someone who was actually there.

Consultant Dumbfuck 1: What if… we keep focusing on some arbitrary food price data point like the price of eggs instead of the systemic dismantling of all the pillars of our constitutional republic?

Consultant Dumbfuck 2: Meaning the decreasing likelihood of everything from fair elections, to preserving social security, and securing global peace through our existing partnerships and alliances? All of which are critical to personal rights and freedoms and economic security.

Consultant Dumbfuck 1: Yeah, all that boring fascism/elimination of the constitution stuff is BO-ring. Egg prices everyone can get behind.

Consultant Dumbfuck 3: How do we decide which brand of eggs to use and from what store? Like the Whole Foods in Foggy Bottom? Do we use the store brand, whatever that is? Or who’s the Kraft of eggs? Is that Kraft? Does Kraft do eggs? They must do eggs, because they do all sorts of breakfast stuff.

Consultant Dumbfuck 2: I don’t know, I just get the prepared foods there, and some al-ke-hol next door to get my drinky on.

Consultant Dumbfuck 1: The USDA maintains a survey, I think. Let’s use that. I’m sure this autocratic adminstration that sees facts and data as enemies will preserve the sanctity of this report, even though we’re going to use that as a weapon against them.

Consultant Dumbfuck 2: Can we re-use that anti-drug commercial from the 80s with the fried eggs? “This is your brain. This is your brain on high egg prices. Any questions?” Would that be inspired?

Consultant Dumbfuck 1: “This is your brain on high egg prices?” I mean, I don’t have anything better than that. I doubt anyone could do better than the brains behind the Gore-Hillary-Kamala election trifecta.

Consultant Dumbfuck 3: When do we send out the donate now text messages? We need more money for offsites and hookers for the offsites.