Project to “rebuild the plane while in flight” crashes predictably, killing all aboard.

Midwest-headquartered personnel management firm lost its entire company in a horrific crash yesterday. After a couple of quarters of financial results that slightly missed impossible guidance, they were instructed to manage business as usual while simultaneously changing all their internal processes and systems.

“Have you ever seen a pilot change the landing gear while in the air?” screamed project manager Justin Time into his now widowed wife’s voicemail. “Of course you haven’t, because there are obvious limitations to what a human being can accomplish at o-” That is when the call tragically ended as the flight plunged into the side of the large mountain range nobody accounted for.